Postie postie big red fake

I am Anti-postman I admit it. But think about it. Why shouldn’t I be? Why are they so special, with their electrical signy thing and their stupid caps. And their crap loud trolleys.

What’s in the sack? Limitless evil probably…

They walk up your drive every day as if they own the place

Could be sticking anything through the door. It could be a snake. Or a cat! Or a horrible fungus that makes you retch if you lick it. By barking I am drawing attention to a massive red intruder on the premises. With possible weapons.

Shorts in February? Have a word.

All of the burglaries happen when he / she is around. Think about it.

They know everything about you, probably read your mail. Probably laugh at your spelling

Act all nice so they can get a tip at Christmas.

When in a safe zone (ie not my territory) they act as if they like dogs and offer you a biscuit. I see through you ya great big red fake. But I will have that biscuit. But I see through you!

Who brings their cat to work with them? I tell you who, people who hate dogs…

Postman Pat had a cat. Enough said.

They wear red! I mean come on. Even Billy Ocean knows red spells danger.

They taste a bit… off. Don’t ask me how I know.

Every day I see them off but they are the most persistent buggers ever. They come back to rub my nose in it day in day out

They never deliver anything tasty

They are not the bad man or the mommy lady. Or the big man who smells of chips. Mmm chips. *

Is there anything finer to sniff with a nose seven times more than hoomans, than roast flamin’ chicken. I am off now, I can smell chicken…

*this dog’s owner would like to point out that the dog has nothing against the postal service in principle and the dog means no real harm. Legal Disclaimer etc. She’s just grumpy.

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