the rules according to the bad man

So I am subject to some infringements on my liberty. Fairness is not always in evidence when it comes to this doggy.

These rules are the wrong way around (I shouldn’t be on that sofa)

I have some issues

The bad man and the mummy lady have a Massive bed and I am not allowed on it. Massive. Big enough for two or three more humans. BUT NOT ONE SMALL JACK RUSSELL.

Not allowed in the bedroom on my own since I rubbed my bum on the bad man’s pillow. HE DESERVED IT. And what’s more he didn’t notice for a couple of nights.

Not allowed to lick rock salt put down when the snow comes. EVEN THOUGH IT’s TASTY

Not allowed to jump up on strangers in the park and lick their hands. EVEN WHEN THEY PUT THEIR HANDS IN THE WAY

Not allowed to growl at impertinent dogs who don’t know their place. JUMPY SWINE

Not allowed to have puppies, (cut off in my prime) I SHOULD TAKE THEM TO COURT OVER THAT ONE

Some fecker docked my tail before the mommy lady and the bad man got me. I ONLY HAVE A SMALL WAG. OK. So that’s not a rule. But if we are airing some grievances…

When I am in the car now I am LOCKED in the back of the car. With a metal grill. LIKE THE COUNT OF MONTE CRISTO or that fella, Terry Waite. Something to do with legislation about people getting fined for not having their dogs under control in the car when driving. What about my canine rights? The right to see what is happening. The right to stick my head out of the window and sniff the beautiful smoggy air. The right to eat anything that is dropped whilst those two are talking? HMMM HMMM? What about those rights?

Where’s the protest group campaigning for ME?????????????

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