So you want to know more about the voice behind the voice of the dog… OK
1.Are you a dog person or cat person?
Do you really need to ask? I am a cat person. Other dogs are dreadful. But I couldn’t eat a whole cat. Ha ha ha. I don’t like dogs. They smell and they are nosy and they get in your face. I am glad I am not one.
2. Are you a fan of any sports team?
The bad man is a Spurs fan, Tottenham Hotspur in fact. He never shuts up and shouts expletives when they are playing. So if I were to be honest I would probably say I support whichever team Tottenham are playing against, just to p*** him off
3. Are you a good cook?
I am a good eater
4. Are you a hoarder?
I hoard treats, toys and the tears of my pet humans
5. Are you a morning person or a night owl?
I sleep at any time. But I especially enjoy awaking the bad man to go for a wander in the garden around 4am. You should see his dopey face
6. Are you close to anyone now that you initially disliked?
No. I instantly form dis-attachments and they are always 100% correct.
7. Are you high maintenance?
I am a delight.
8. Are you more inclined to “build your own empire” or unleash the potential of others?
Build an empire. Led by Her Majesty, ____ the Indomitable. There is no potential in others, they just let you down. Or lock you in the utility room when you least expect it.
9. Are you more likely to avoid conflict or engage it head-on?
I will engage anyone. This dog is not afraid. Big or small. You are nothing to me.
10. Are you named after anyone?
Other people called ____. As far as I am aware it is not an original name.
11.Are you scared of heights?
The top of the sofa can be quite scary sometimes.
12.At what age did you go on your first date?
Who wrote these questions?
13. Can you close your eyes and raise your eyebrows?
How should I know? Again, who wrote this dirge?
14.Can you dance?
Doggy don’t dance
15. Can you touch your nose with your tongue?
I can touch ANYONE’s nose with my tongue
16. Can you whistle?
Through my nose, when I sleep. I am told.
17. Describe yourself in a single sentence?
I am doggy.
18. Did you dream last night?
I ran after rabbits
19. Do you believe ignorance is bliss? Why or why not?
The bad man is ignorant and he doesn’t look happy, so no.
20. Do you believe in love at first sight?
I love chicken the first time I see it
21. Do you eat breakfast every morning?
It depends if those donkeys remember to fill my bowl. I mean, how DEMEANING
22. Do you have a best friend, if so, then who?
The Mummy lady. She has always been there. I was with the mummy lady even before the bad man came along. So if she ever has to choose, I know who will get ticketed out…
*Names have been excluded to protect the incredibly guilty (witness protection programme and all that)