So I was staring at the wall the other day (because you locked me in the Utility Room for two hours for a crime I didn’t commit, and then you came back smelling of alcohol) and I was thinking.
Humans are pretty rubbish aren’t they.
You can’t lick your feet.
Your barks are rubbish
You can’t even relieve yourselves when you feel like it, you have to go into a room and then mask the smell. The smell’s the best bit!
If you get licked by another human, you tend to react badly.
You lock your best friends in rooms with no entertainment apart from toys that are designed to be thrown by you for me to fetch. What am I, supposed to throw it myself? Without opposable thumbs? Hmm? HAaaa?
You HAVE opposable thumbs but tend to use them for making stupid gestures to each other. And not for throwing the ball / teddy / toy for me to collect?
I feel sorry for you so I will stay and look after you.